Waiting Ain't Easy, Folks!

I do not think there is a single point in our lives that we are not waiting on something. In line at the grocery store, sitting at a stoplight, watching the timer for dinner, your favorite tv show that evening, a return phone call, for high school to end, for college to end, for those job interviews, for the dream job, a spouse, a house, a baby, baby to crawl, walk, run...you get the point. Fun fact: The average American spends 2 weeks of their life waiting at stoplights. Waiting really never ends and I can almost guarantee that when the thing you are waiting for happens, you will be quickly find yourself waiting for something else.

Waiting is not easy and often not fun, but we have to learn how to use our waiting time wisely. This is something that I have heard many times, but never really took it to heart. As a college student I would use my waiting time, but usually for something unproductive such as; Facebook, texting, IMing or smoothie runs. All when I should have been cleaning, doing laundry, studying or probably sleeping. In early, early married life I was a substitute teacher. This involved waiting for phone calls and some days of freedom. As a young wife I wish I would have used this time a little more productively and used it to clean, cook or many other wifely duties, but of course I hadn't really learned this concept yet. As life continued we both found great teaching jobs and moved into home ownership and still this concept was heard but not learned.

Fast forward a few years and here we are at present day. Kyle and I are waiting yet again. This time the wait is harder and often heartbreaking. This time we aren't waiting for a phone call or a timer to ding, but instead for our little family to switch from Talicska; Party of 2, to Talicska; Party of 3. This journey over the last 14 months has not been easy. In the process of waiting our emotions and outlooks have evolved and changed numerous times. Many months we were very hopeful and others not so much. After many Dr's appointments, the wait continues. ( I realize that in the grand scheme of life, 14 months is not that long. However, for those of you out there that know what it is like to struggle with infertility, for even a short period of time, know that it feels like a lifetime when you are in the midst of it.) 

In the last few days my outlook on this situation has started to evolve. I definitely long to be a mother and to feel the first kick or see my sweet child on the monitor for the first time. I long to allow my heart to grow three sizes when I first look into the sweet face of a child, our child. But I am learning to be content waiting and to use my waiting time wisely. God has blessed Kyle and I with this time. This time to grow closer, to become rock solid in our faith and our marriage. This time to explore, discover and learn together. Time to learn all about teaching 2nd grade and making the transition from being a Kindergarten teacher. Time to become involved in ministries at church and grow new friendships that are based in our faith. Time to encourage others and invest in lives. God has blessed us with time together, time we need to cherish. Don't get me wrong, it is still hard, almost everyday, and changing my mindset is taking some time, but for once in my life I truly want to use my waiting time wisely.

Waiting is never easy, but hopefully with God's help I can learn to use it wisely and can continue viewing it as a blessing.

Habakkuk 2:3

For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.

Where is the Rewind button for life?

Do you ever go through a day and think back about how utterly embarrassed you are? Embarrassed about the way you handled a situation, what you said, what you did or how you acted?

Yep, today is one of those days. Today is one of those days where the little ones were able to wear me down, to get to me and I turned into the teacher I never want to be. The teacher that I am embarrassed of. I did not show love to these precious little ones. I did not help them feel important and special. I did not show them that I love them and that I care.

As I sit in my dark classroom with soft piano music is playing, I cannot help but let tears run down my cheeks. It breaks my heart thinking back on it now.  Especially, knowing that today is Friday and these precious little ones are going home for a whole weekend. I do not know what their homes are like, I do not if they get hugs and smiles, I do not know how they are spoken to. And frankly, I cannot control that either. However, I can control what I do, what I say and how I say them.

I am so thankful for God's grace today. He loves these little ones even more than I do and He is watching over each and every one of them. He knows that I fail, but He has my back and through the ugliness He is able to show love to these precious little ones. I cannot take back the day, but I can change Monday! Ahhhh... a fresh start!

I am thankful for second chances, for God's grace and for the hearts of little children.

Almost Back to Reality

   The last few weeks have seemed to fly by. I have been spending countless hours in my classroom moving furniture, organizing, prepping pacing guides, moving furniture again, writing welcome back letters, making a cozy reading nook, leveling books, moving furniture yet again and trying to make sure everything is ready and welcoming to the precious little ones that will fill the room with laughter and joy shortly. I have been easing myself into waking up to an alarm....(such an annoying sound) and showering and getting out of my pajamas before 1 or 2 in the afternoon. (Before I hear it from some of my family members... just because I am in my pajamas it does not mean I am getting anything done. I just have no where to go and no one will see me so why dirty more clothes if I don't have to :) It is all about amounts of laundry, people! :) )
   In the process of getting classroom land in order I have let some other things in my life slide...just a smidge. My house is a little messier, my phone has more voicemails than normal, my meals are sporadic and few and far between (especially healthy ones), my husband is feeling lonely while he watches his guilty-pleasure of a show (which shall go unnamed for his sake) by himself while I spend hours on the computer researching new school ideas and my time with friends is almost non-existent. I find that this always seems to happen around this time of year and I realize it just a little too late. The part about this time of year that I love though, is the realization that I also always get... that I am blessed. 
    Even though my house doesn't have everything in its place and even though I may have not returned some phone calls and even though I may have lacked in quality friend time... when I realize all of this my friends and husband are still there waiting and willing to start right back where we left off. They are not mad at me, but instead understanding and loving. This however does not give me the right to "walk all over them" but instead gives me something to strive for and to better myself. I am so thankful for the patience that my friends have for me. The patience that my husband has for me. The patience that God has for me. A level of patience and understanding that I strive for each day.  Thank you to those of you that have waited patiently for me to dig myself out of my pile of boxes and school mindset. Today I am thankful for patient friends and family. ten thousand reasons

Forever and For Always

Today's post will be shared through pictures. 

Three years ago today I married my best friend.  

I love you, babe! Looking forward to many more years together, you make me the happiest girl around and you inspire me to be a better person. I am truly blessed. Ten thousands reasons for my heart to praise!

ten thousand reasons

The title of this blog comes from one of my favorite songs.

Take a listen:
10,000 Reasons By: Matt Redman

Each day we are being blessed with so many things that we take for granted. Why is it that it isn't until something tragic hits our family or someone close to us that we begin to notice those small things that help us get through the day? Why the wait? From all directions and at every moment God is sending numerous things our way to make us smile and to remind us that He is in control and that He loves us unconditionally, even when we may not feel like it.  This blog is my trillioninth attempt at helping me focus on all of those little and big blessings that He sends my way and reminding myself to praise Him for each one. In the good, the bad and the ugly He is near and I want  my soul to be singing like never before, worshipping His Holy name!

Today I am thankful for family. For family that can paint a garage together in silence and still enjoy each others company. For family that can take a tubing adventure down a river and share millions of laughs together. For family that cares enough to hash things out when they need to be, instead of giving up or brushing things under the rug. For family that can celebrate 80 amazing years with a Grandfather that is the cornerstone. For family that can share in the joy of growing up from mile and miles away, due to technology. For family that can share in sorrows and pain at some of the lowest times. For family that can share in celebrations of new beginnings and new addresses. And lastly, for family that to the world isn't family at all, but by my standards is just as special and loved as all the rest. I am thankful to be born into an amazing, God loving family, to have married into a rock solid, unconditional loving family and to be accepted into a family of friends through small group, college, church and relationships. Today family gives me ten thousand reasons for my heart to praise.

                       These are just a few of the lovely faces of those that I lovingly call "Family!"

A Box of Crayons

  A new school year is right around the corner. I almost feel giddy about the thoughts of freshly sharpened pencils, bright new folders, the smell of brand new pack of crayons, clean backpacks, shiny new tennis shoes squeaking on the freshly waxed floor, sweating slightly but not caring because you are donning your new Fall clothes, lockers slamming as hesitant little ones are ushered into a new environment by just as apprehensive parents and knowing that a fresh start has come once again. A new school year is always ushered in with so much excitement and apprehension. It always comes with a clean slate (I mean, really clean) and a breath of fresh air.... a sense of rejuvenation, really.
   As I prep for a new classroom full of Kindergarteners that are eager to learn and are hanging on your every word, I cannot help but think of a parallel between my relationship with Christ. Those precious little children are nervous, unsure of what to expect. They are at a new school, with a new schedule, new rules and expectations and new friends to make. And yet, their smiles fill the room and they are eager to see what it is in store for them this year. They quickly place all of their trust in my hands and without reservation hang on my every word.
  This is how Christ is calling me to be with Him. He is calling me to step out of my comfort zone, to allow myself to be stretched and molded by him and to quickly let go of all my reservations and hang on His every word that He speaks directly to me and through His book, the bible. He longs for me to be willing to let go of every other person or thing that I place my contentment in and let him fill the gaping hole in my heart that is only a perfect fit for Him. He longs for me to welcome Him into my life each morning, just as I do each morning as my students trickle into my room, knowing just how important that simple "Good morning" is to make them feel like they belong today. Just as my children look for me to be their guide throughout the day and place all of their trust in me, God longs for me to do the same with Him.
   As I prepare for this new school year, God has laid it on my heart to remind myself each day to be His freshly opend box of crayons. When you first open a box each crayon is perfectly sharpened and shaped. There is no evidence of wear and tear and no evidence of use. But as soon as you touch that perfectly sharpened tip to a piece of bright, white paper the crayon is forever changed. As God guides my path each day I am shaped and molded into the person that He has called me to be. And soon that white piece of paper is filled with a beautiful picture and I must find a new piece to continue on.  God wants to remind me that each new day is a fresh start and a clean slate. He wants to use me in great ways each day and uses me as His vessel to touch the lives of others.
     Crayons by themselves are nothing, they are pretty to look at, but beyond that they have no purpose on thier own. It is not until they are placed into the hand of the creator that they can create a beautiful masterpiece. And each color is used in a different way, for a different purpose to create one unified masterpiece. Without the hand of my Creator I am nothing and it is not until I allow myself to be completely used by Him that a beautiful masterpiece can unfold. God has equipped me with many different gifts and passions, but it is not until I allow myself to be fully used by Him can I glorify Him to the best of my abilities.
   Each and every day I realize how blessed that I truly am and how much I have to be thankful for. Today I am reminded of the blessing of my job and my co-workers. Today I allowed God to speak to me through the eyes of a Kindergartener have found ten thousand reasons to rejoice and praise Him.