Waiting Ain't Easy, Folks!

I do not think there is a single point in our lives that we are not waiting on something. In line at the grocery store, sitting at a stoplight, watching the timer for dinner, your favorite tv show that evening, a return phone call, for high school to end, for college to end, for those job interviews, for the dream job, a spouse, a house, a baby, baby to crawl, walk, run...you get the point. Fun fact: The average American spends 2 weeks of their life waiting at stoplights. Waiting really never ends and I can almost guarantee that when the thing you are waiting for happens, you will be quickly find yourself waiting for something else.

Waiting is not easy and often not fun, but we have to learn how to use our waiting time wisely. This is something that I have heard many times, but never really took it to heart. As a college student I would use my waiting time, but usually for something unproductive such as; Facebook, texting, IMing or smoothie runs. All when I should have been cleaning, doing laundry, studying or probably sleeping. In early, early married life I was a substitute teacher. This involved waiting for phone calls and some days of freedom. As a young wife I wish I would have used this time a little more productively and used it to clean, cook or many other wifely duties, but of course I hadn't really learned this concept yet. As life continued we both found great teaching jobs and moved into home ownership and still this concept was heard but not learned.

Fast forward a few years and here we are at present day. Kyle and I are waiting yet again. This time the wait is harder and often heartbreaking. This time we aren't waiting for a phone call or a timer to ding, but instead for our little family to switch from Talicska; Party of 2, to Talicska; Party of 3. This journey over the last 14 months has not been easy. In the process of waiting our emotions and outlooks have evolved and changed numerous times. Many months we were very hopeful and others not so much. After many Dr's appointments, the wait continues. ( I realize that in the grand scheme of life, 14 months is not that long. However, for those of you out there that know what it is like to struggle with infertility, for even a short period of time, know that it feels like a lifetime when you are in the midst of it.) 

In the last few days my outlook on this situation has started to evolve. I definitely long to be a mother and to feel the first kick or see my sweet child on the monitor for the first time. I long to allow my heart to grow three sizes when I first look into the sweet face of a child, our child. But I am learning to be content waiting and to use my waiting time wisely. God has blessed Kyle and I with this time. This time to grow closer, to become rock solid in our faith and our marriage. This time to explore, discover and learn together. Time to learn all about teaching 2nd grade and making the transition from being a Kindergarten teacher. Time to become involved in ministries at church and grow new friendships that are based in our faith. Time to encourage others and invest in lives. God has blessed us with time together, time we need to cherish. Don't get me wrong, it is still hard, almost everyday, and changing my mindset is taking some time, but for once in my life I truly want to use my waiting time wisely.

Waiting is never easy, but hopefully with God's help I can learn to use it wisely and can continue viewing it as a blessing.

Habakkuk 2:3

For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.

Where is the Rewind button for life?

Do you ever go through a day and think back about how utterly embarrassed you are? Embarrassed about the way you handled a situation, what you said, what you did or how you acted?

Yep, today is one of those days. Today is one of those days where the little ones were able to wear me down, to get to me and I turned into the teacher I never want to be. The teacher that I am embarrassed of. I did not show love to these precious little ones. I did not help them feel important and special. I did not show them that I love them and that I care.

As I sit in my dark classroom with soft piano music is playing, I cannot help but let tears run down my cheeks. It breaks my heart thinking back on it now.  Especially, knowing that today is Friday and these precious little ones are going home for a whole weekend. I do not know what their homes are like, I do not if they get hugs and smiles, I do not know how they are spoken to. And frankly, I cannot control that either. However, I can control what I do, what I say and how I say them.

I am so thankful for God's grace today. He loves these little ones even more than I do and He is watching over each and every one of them. He knows that I fail, but He has my back and through the ugliness He is able to show love to these precious little ones. I cannot take back the day, but I can change Monday! Ahhhh... a fresh start!

I am thankful for second chances, for God's grace and for the hearts of little children.